some days are like this
but i know you are faithful
and you hold it
so carefully
in the palm
of your hands.

im walking across a thin line

i can feel the break

beneath my feet

on the build

i was sure

but on the

steady

its not enough

because to be sure

doesnt sound certain

and my voice is

just a whisper.

so heres to you

Dear Stacey

its your birthday. so its a good excuse to tell you how much a think you are the shiz without feeling to gay about it

Our story starts years ago, sometimes im surprised its still going strong. but thats what makes this friendship so close to my heart.

for those of you who dont know stacey. she is one of the most loyal, strongest friends i know.

stacey will drive across the other side of the country(its almost true) if you needed her to.

there is no bounds. she is one of the people who has pushed me to be adventurous.

she is one of the people who has pushed me in general.

she is a woman of God

her love and hunger after Christ seriously…astounds me.

i guess there are many many many things i could say. but i am just so freakn stoked to have stace in my life

love you

i see the importance. its so easy to forget where you have come from when you are so focused on what you dont know ahead. i dont really know why we focus so much on that. when it is simply that. unknown till it comes to pass.
but i have been thinking today.
this morning
this week.
look where we have come from.
i need to make some sort of time line.

uprising

I am landing on stolen ground
to take back
to take back
to give back

Im imagining
im dreaming dreams
it’s a reality
this thunderous sound
springing up from the ground

Im seeing
with eyes open
eyes shut
thousands upon thousands
laying down
to rise up

Im here
amongst it all
this redemption
a rising
from the fall.

on the way

it begins

the journey of ever after

if life will be so generous.

 

here it is

questions to be answered

perhaps it will be what i was hoping for

or hoping in.

 

it begins

another part in

The Ever After

another start

an end

to begin.

heat wave

down to the shoreline

your lovely bones
are floating away

off you go then

give me a few days
to carry on my dear

a few more days
to wash our filth
away

you should know

And so the journey has begun…

today i took a huge step of faith and booked one way tickets to Hawaii!!!  (freaking out starts now. ) over the past few weeks God has taken me by the hand and told me to just trust.

its not that easy sometimes.

i have had my days of despairing, of second guessing myself, of thinking about every reason i shouldn’t go. but amongst it all i have constantly been reminded of how big God is. how he wants what is good for us. how he knows our hearts SO much better than we do.  but most of all, i feel like i am stepping into the ‘next chapter of my life’ dun dun dun dunnnnnnn.

God has been refining things in my heart and showing me where my heart really beats.

this is my heart beat:

to proclaim good news to the poor.
He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim freedom for the captives
and release from darkness for the prisoners,[a]
2 to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor
and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn,
3 and provide for those who grieve in Zion— to bestow on them a crown of beauty
instead of ashes,
the oil of joy    instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise
instead of a spirit of despair.
Isaiah 61

lately God has been breaking my somewhat hard heart, to these things in the world. a few times i have been brought to tears just thinking about how many people walk around with brokenness not even knowing that Christ died to save them. 

So here i go. stepping into things unknown but knowing God is walking with me, his word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.

 

So here is just a bit of where i am at.

i would love support, one thing that was hard last time i went out, was not have monthly support. SO if any of you feel like you would want to start supporting me monthly-it could be as little as $20- email me and i will hook you up with details.  i have had so many encouraging conversations with all of you. thank you for believing in my dreams and pushing me in my relationship with God.

love you all  nay

 

 

walking with my brain

we are afraid of smiles.
we look down
till our eyes touch our feet
afraid to lock gaze with a stranger
in case we see the fear
or rejection
the reflections of our own worried souls
staring back at us
when what we really want
is love.

tiny little soldier men
made out of plastic
cross my mind
as i march
onward home.

i pass
and wait for the scent
everyone leaves one
in their hurry to move on in the world
which is ironic
because we are all so afraid of death.

wait wait wait
look up
smile
it wasnt as hard as we thought.

music flowing into my ear drums
my very own soundtrack
as i make an invisible path
through this city.

i like the cold air
the feel of my feet on the ground
the smile etched across my face
as i realise ive been caught up
in the movie
moving across my brain
i wonder if ive left
pictures
of my thoughts
as a trail for someone to find me
just in case i get lost.

at some point
i think we all might be
shifting through
the gaps
hesitating
with words
afraid they might get caught in the air
and come back
to haunt us.

the not so distant future

OVER the last 3 months so much has gone on. I left Kona with a heart to come back to my city. i felt as though the Lord was telling me to go back. So I booked my tickets homeward bound, not knowing when I would see my team again. Not knowing when i would set my feet on Hawaiin soil again. Then hours before leaving for the airport the earthquake struck my city. killing almost two hundred, and destroying huge parts of Christchurch. As I rode to the airport with a huge fist of grief in my gut, but a weird peacefulness in my heart, I knew God was calling me back for this time

Of course I knew he had a purpose in me coming back. I just didn’t think it would be that soon. As I landed I felt him urging me to prayer and worship, starting then and there. Since then I have seen communities come together, people have started talking about what a difference it has made to how people interact. Church building have been destroyed forcing Churches to fellowship together and perhaps interact in ways that would have never happened if not for this horrific earthquake. Amongst it all I have constantly been asking God, where do you want me, where do you want me.

For a while I really struggled, wondering what the ‘huge thing’ God had called me into was and why I hadn’t stepped into it yet. However as I started really seeking him, he eased my mind about it all. through wisdom from friends and through taking each day as it came I was reminded at how much bigger Gods plans are than mine. what I want to happen NOW may not be months or years down the track. Who knows. I got a job and started really connecting with old friends around me, seeing peoples hearts and even being able to start talking really openly about Christ to others. It has been so good, though i have not felt pushed into any area in particular, it almost feels like I should not be putting roots down too far just yet. However, before I left I knew about a school called Circuit Riders, I thought it sounded cool but didn’t inquire too much of it. As I communicated with people back at the base I started hearing more and more about it. Eventually I looked into it myself. As I learned more about it I was really intrigued, and the desire for more teaching was sparked.

During this time I had been reading Keith Greens biography and I was struck by how much he reached out to the people who do not know Christ died for them. Then i realized, duh its what we are called to. but i had become a little too consumed with me me me, instead of looking out. in some senses there was still a lot that i felt like my foundations of teaching were a bit all over the place. this is where this school appealed to me. long story shortish…i want to reach out. i want to be a disciple, i want to share with this world that Christ died for them.

I know I dont HAVE to have a degree in these things, but just as Christ taught the disciples, i too want that intense training, i hunger to know more in the word. more about walking in the gifts that God has given, about walking in the spirit. i feel like he has given me the freedom to go. and i would love your support to go. prayer, financially. most of you have walked with me through these past two years or so, you know Gods provision for me. so i know it can happen again. still i would love to have community walking with me. and i believe you are all just that. my community….in the really broad spread out sense haha.

so this is a bit of my story. bellow is the link to the school to give you more of a picture of what it is about. I have a month to gather my finances and go. I would love your prayer.
http://fireandfragrance.com/locations/school-of-the-circuit-riders/#School%20Phase

i love you all.