the comings and goings

Hawaii

Books

Earthquakes

Jobs

AND…now what?

I’ve been thinking, musing and mulling over a lot of different things since being back in my homeland. Being back for the aftermath of the Earthquake is definitely  something that is teaching and challenging me. Who I see God as but also how this kind of disaster effects a community/creates community. The importance to be still and know He is God, even amongst the chaos, even when it seems like prayer is the least effective thing. I have seen first hand that its the MOST important thing.

So now what….our city is still in recovery and Ive been asking God where He wants me.

Recently there has been more conviction and stirring for those who dont know who their saviour is. I dont want to get caught up using my faith as a self help program, which can so easily happen. I need to share this. I need to LIVE it.

I have been looking into a school Circuit Riders  which I think would be amazing teaching, something I have been desiring for a while. I have been praying into it and feel that God may be saying…make your choice (dont you just love it when that happens) So I am in that process at the moment. Financially I would need a miracle but…I know first hand that THAT is possible.

OR

Do I stay here? Wait and see what is coming?

I really would love it if you would pray with me about this as I value so much input and wisdom in my life. I NEED it.

Over all I just want to let you all know where I am at!

Act Here Love Now

The book is printed and now 4,000 copies of them are in the hands of the Beautiful Messengers.

I am so proud of all the girls and the fact that this has finally happened!

I wont lie, I am a tiny bit jealous that I am not with them touring, also that I dont have one of those brand spanking new books in my hand.

But patience is a virtue…right?

If you want to order one though…you totally can: act here love now

beauty for ashes

We believe that amongst chaos or calm, creativity can bring hope, spark movements and bring change.

Even when the earth shakes, small things will make huge differences.

“Ltlp” by edIT

Beverly Wells

it hurts, more then i knew it would

i felt my heart as it ached and swelled with whatever this grief was that was swimming in my stomach, rising and falling

i walked into the room, it was small and warm dimly lit, it would be cosy, under different circumstances

there she lay so…so still.she looked beautiful.
i kept watching i felt like any minute i would see her chest rise and fall with breath. i swore i would see her eyes open.

it was her.

but it wasnt.

her white hair freshly cut, light make up making her skin appear so smooth.

stories littered out from those in the room with quiet laughter.

“remember that time she cheated in rummy cub”

“she was always so cheeky”

“she’s probably looking down right now saying i can do whatever i want now!”

the tears that i knew would well up did, i felt my heart hot and heavy spilling down my cheeks.
i guess it was for not being able to say that ‘final’ goodbye, not hearing more memories, questions i had been waiting to ask, gone.
though i know, there is never a perfect moment for the reality of life and death to met.

her husband, my grandfather, tall and sad. while he was doing pretty good, my heart broke, he has lost his wife. his life love.
his eyes were happy though…happy is the wrong word. there was a joy amongst the deep sadness. the light that was in them, he knew, he knew she was in a far better place then anything in this life could give her.

his slow smile soothed in a way. it was almost as if he was saying without realizing it

its ok to hurt, to miss her, to be sad, because there is more than life and death

there is so much more to hope in.

inspiration

last post

my beautiful friends Stru and Brit got married last month

i can not believe it has almost been a whole month of them being married.

it was an amazing day and i got the priviledge of being their photographer.

brilliance!

technicolor

rocking

see i dont think
it is the end of what has just begun
no i dont think this was a once off
its more like a song thats being sung

i hear it loudly.

pounding at hearts
its time to be won
but we deaf people
we dont hear the drummers drum

NO

i dont think
this time is the end of it all
i think its a moving
ache
that begun at the fall
see i believe this is a start
of a brilliant bright
but if we dont pick it up
we may lose understanding of light
so arm yourself, pick up your sword
what did you think you were put here for
to be destroyed?

NO

its a battle you see
we have to fight
its the beginning of an end
and the end is a beautiful
sight
because its
beauty out of ashes

beauty out of ashes

beauty out of ashes

arise

some how i became a reporter after the earthquake.

a week till i leave.

time is counting down. fast.
im leaving people i have spent TWO YEARS EVERYDAY NON STOP WITH. i am leaving friends i have made on this base from DTS and new ones from this past quarter who have weaseled their ways into my hearts.

my heart is a little afraid.
or confused

because at the same time i am so excited to be with all the others back home who are near and dear to my heart.

and i know God is really doing something big. im freakn stoked to be a part of it.

i also know that i need to write down this vision he has put on my heart so i can share it with y’all

 

ALSO
on Sunday i spent my whole day reminiscing on 90′s R&B/ Rap, it was brilliant. i kinda wish Janet Jackson had stayed with Together Again.

Valentines Candy YUM

 

 

 

(also Cambria Finzel keeps telling me that i am the greatest person in the world..i dont want to brag. but…i feel pretty darn cool)